JustAnu

  I can stare at the sky and think about literally everything that’s there, be it connecting the dots of my past happenings that got me to the stage I am. While thinking about it, I feel as if I am narrating my favorite experiences to my long-gone friend. I jump from one experience to another, losing the chain of the story and eventually getting back from where I started. I think about the most practical things I can see in my future and what I’ll need to do for it. At times, I land up making alternate possibilities of how things might have turned out if I had made choices a little different from what I actually did. Sometimes, when I don’t want to think about anything in particular, I get my earphones and enjoy the music and the peace in me with the quiet of the night. Without anything to listen, my head will always be filled with something or the other. So yeah, that works sometimes. I see aeroplanes occasionally. They lit me up. Memories. Dreams. Possibilities. In these da...

A lot is going to change in a few months.  Right now, we are just into study and prepare for the exam, firstly securing its eligibility. These exams are important, super important and equally challenging. Feels tough to stay focused on the long-term goal while managing the other short-term urgent goals.  There is a lot of stuff that has been kept on halt till the exams. The to-do list will go on..... Most importantly, we will be out of the student role whose aim is just to clear off the exams well to someone with responsibility to do stuff worthwhile, having to play positive role and have a different learning experience. And yes, it is not that we will be free as a bird once the exam is passed. We will have responsibilities bigger than we now face and work in an aspect we have never done. The gears are expected to change. Something we have been waiting for since long, very long.   Right now, cutting off distractions is the main obstacle to be overcome. Got to focus o...

Be it the clothes that you opt for. Fashion is an expression right ? We choose clothes that are comfortable to our life just like our skin. But with all this fast and unsustainable fashion, the self-expression is losing is charm and so does our environment. Now fashion seems more of a task to fit yourself in the fake world. Buy less, smart and the only stuff you feel can represent your true, long term expression. Coming on to the next thing, the friendships we build. It takes time to understand someone, to know their goods and to know their bads. And so does the person needs times and experiences to understand your true sense of being in their life. It will take time and vulnerability and heck lot of experience. I feel there is no end to how well you can understand someone. One cannot just opt for the good qualities in another human being and look for another perfect one once they discover the bads in the previous person. That would be a mess. The third thing in my mind to support ...

“We all have days when we feel everyone, we see around is the rich, pretty, smart.” He said, trying to handle the situation for the n-th time.   “Happy as well.” It was a decision more than a query. I couldn’t stop myself from blurting it out.  “Maybe, at least that’s how it seems.” He said absently. I know that the social media impacts him as well. Even though he hadn’t completely quit it the way I have, he seemed to have better control on how he sees it. At least from my end, the conversation was non-leading. I didn’t want a fixed stance on what’s right and what’s not. I wanted to admit that everything has a spectrum and beyond the extremes, where everything seems to be in the most captivating and irresistible to get inclined towards, it’s okay to be in the grey area in between.  I had recently joined a coaching academy where it was harder to avoid the social vibes than it was at the college. In college, everyone appears similar, with the white aprons covering th...

I t is so calm viewing the night sky from the terrace of my home. I can only see the half-moon with no other bright light in the black sky. There are no clouds to give the grey shade to the sky. Of course, the other lights that glow comes from homes underneath the sky.  No noise comes from those homes and the flats of the apartments. they reflect just the light glow. For the amount of time I was there, I couldn't even see a person around. For most of the people, it's that time of the day when they come back from their work, have dinner with the family and have little fun, relaxing their minds from the mess they faced today and prepare themselves for a similar day, the next day. The working class of people might have finally got the time to spend good time with their kids, the older ones spend this time sitting in an open area, reflecting upon the lives they have lived so far. The little ones might have finally got time to finish their homework and prepare for the tests and assi...

"I have got somewhere to be." I told them confidently when I had no clue of where will I be after 10 mins. I needed my own time, a little time away after all the time spent with them, for the past 4 hours. Wasn't that enough ? The long 4 hours spent in the room , where we were supposedly free to do anything we want, with no one to check upon us yet, the resources were the only things that could fit in our bags.  Getting out of the place was what I was waiting for since the  time boredom dawned and practically, we have nothing to do. I came up the common girls room. No one would come here. There wasn't any fixed rule for who and when can somebody  enter or leave, but from all the time I have been visiting, this place was practically never used and that was what I exactly wanted. A place where I can find some time off the chaos, where I can do my tasks with all the focus or all the distraction that I need at that time.. Otherwise, what other options did I have ?  ...

It's Saturday again, yet it's one of those rare guilt free weekends I have to my self. All of the other weekends, mostly I'll have commitments for them, and I am guilty everytime I fail to deliver my claims. Not this weekend thought. This is one of those weekends when you enjoy an early afternoon tea with a random movie on the television ( including th advertisement breaks in between ) with lazy afternoon, a chattery evening and a night spent watching your favourite football match with late night pasta and coke. I am just a student yet. Not all my decisions are mine completely. It's not on the television I want to watch these matches on.. I was to go at the venue, with my friends and watch the match with the audience vibing there.  I don't want the match to end by just turning off the screen. I want to sit there, let it occupy my decisions for a day or two and comeback not just with scores, but with an unforgettable experience. The same thing goes for the movie. Not...

It's been a while since I have dressed up when there's nowhere to go.  It's not  that I actually dress up while getting out of home, it's just unusual to dress up to stay at home.  Today won't be just-a-stay-at-home.  There is someone really important to visit me today. I guess he would be here soon and it's been years. I would be seeing him after 3 long years.  I  took the final look at the place. It had to be exactly the same as he left it to be. The same way we set it on my arrival here.  I checked myself once again, I was in my maroon solid colored full sleeved knee length dress with a full sleeved denim jacket left open, with my favorite denim heeled boots. It was exactly what I was feeling at that moment, maroon reflecting modesty and beauty, shielded by denim as a sign of strength. No major makeup needed. I felt good to go. I don't know if all that we had gone through in the last few years is worth it . Was I at a stage I imagined  would be...

 Things feel hopeless. We wake up sweating, not enthusiastic about what's the day going on to bring. We know what the day have for us. I'll tell that throughout this blog. So yep, we wake up hopeless, getting ready for our work institution feels like a big task. We reach on time, take our seats and just sit, studying , discussing, talking and gossiping and sometimes just staring the phone screen or sleeping. We leave around 12 pm.  The things doesn't end there. After 12 till 5 I need to stay at the institution to get the attendence. 5 hours more spent hopelessly trying to accomplish but what exactly, I don't know. Don't think that we don't have anything to do. We have a lot on our heart and head. What I feel I lack is the drive, to do something. When I see what I ought to do the first thought is , No it's not going to happen..too long of a journey...too tough.. and so on. How much am I expected to sit in a room and be at the recieving end of information for ...

We have gathered again today, just the way we are supposed to be present, everyday. We wait for someone to come and start withth main thing. What are we supposed to do once we are here? We know the answer but having no one to stand on our head to remind us and grill us , we don't usually do th self-directed stuff. It's just too hot outside to go and do something just for self learning ? A really wrong idea indeed but I truly can't gather the courage to go out. It's Thursday today, the department is busy with the new admissions. Most probably they won't be coming in today. And here we are, sitting in the seminar room, the room at the end of the ward where the usual teaching sessions take place . It's about 28 of us sitting  in a room which has empty wheel chairs and other store room stuff.  Some are discussing the academic stuff. Heck, it's scary to acknowledge the amout of knowledge I'll need to gather within the time we have before our exams. Others are...

It's a quite place which I always claimed will make me most productive.  And now that I am here, I occasionally get lost in my thoughts, which is basically about all the issues I am surrounded with. While at home,  I was constantly in search of emptiness, a room where no one ones what am I doing, judge whether what I am doing would actully help me make my future better, to validate the feelings I express. I used to just sleep or try to study in a room locked from inside where most of the time was spent crying till I am too exhausted to do nothing more than needed, sorting what went wrong and hiding from everyone around. I have been there before and after attempts of moving on, the things are back again , right in front of me. Everytime it happens, it leave a hollowness inside which doesn't really fills up. It gets deeper, progressively. I have been shrinking out socially and hasn't been a serious bother since the ones I have to keep with me, are with me.  The previous tim...

It rained last night.  After bearing so much heat that all my watery sunscreen will flow with the sweat before I even step out of the home, it was a relief and more than that, it felt like a new need . I have to get to a place where the weather is as soothing and cool  as it was yesterday and so was today morning.  It has always been a funny thought about the place where I live. All I need here are  full sleeved clothes which protects me from the stinging sun rays and on the other spectrum in the winters, a full sleeved t-shirt is enough most of the time to  keep me protected from the cold as well. Its just these weather-changing time to get my half sleeved or sleeve-less tops out, and my midi/maxi free flowing dresses functional. Otherwise, most of the days in summers are spent indoors, while at home or at work, most probably in closed air conditioned rooms with compromised mobility. The only function this serves is that, it keeps you at a fixed place, to compl...

I volunteered for things. I want to work, learn skills and embrace my being. I wanted to say yes to everything that would come my way. Challenges and changes pushes a person to grow and become independent, for come what may. Does that sound perfect ? Does it work always ?  Shall we trust it blindly, irrespective of what you feel ? I say yes to everything I can. I do whatever it takes , to do whatever is possible to happen, with my contribution to it. I feel good after it. I feel worth it, for the achievement, for the rewards and regards. And for the same reasons, many times I feel I do get dumped with work, which needs to be refused. I have faced it myself and have dumped it further as well. Not fair, I know. I realised it today too. Refusal is hard.  Setting boundaries even harder.  I think about the forces present on the head of dumper that made the whole thing to happen.  How to solve it, I don't know. How to set boundaries, I don't know. Which decision is correct...

I  took you... To Keep You Safe, written by Kate Bradley is one of the best plot twister and page turner from all my previous reads. There were moments where I just couldn't go forward with the story, trying to process all that happened over just a few lines on the page. Within the short span, all the thought process was forced to pickup a different reality.  Destiny, a 15 years old student of Jenni,  seems to be under theat of kidnappers who are ready to take her away. All the happenings come under the notice of Jenni and being an ex- army person, she take it to be her responsibilty to save Destiny. That was the very point where she knew too, that her life would never stay the same and , it did change, not for the better. Destiny was in danger, and needed help. Jenni did help but the things didn't turn out the way we think the ideal way they should. Jenni wanted to save Destiny and as she goes forward with her tasks, she is met with the darker wold Destiny was a part of....