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Escaping, but from whom?

It's a quite place which I always claimed will make me most productive. 

And now that I am here, I occasionally get lost in my thoughts, which is basically about all the issues I am surrounded with. While at home,  I was constantly in search of emptiness, a room where no one ones what am I doing, judge whether what I am doing would actully help me make my future better, to validate the feelings I express. I used to just sleep or try to study in a room locked from inside where most of the time was spent crying till I am too exhausted to do nothing more than needed, sorting what went wrong and hiding from everyone around. I have been there before and after attempts of moving on, the things are back again , right in front of me. Everytime it happens, it leave a hollowness inside which doesn't really fills up. It gets deeper, progressively. I have been shrinking out socially and hasn't been a serious bother since the ones I have to keep with me, are with me. 

The previous time that happened, I knew I had to restart, from somewhere. I did leave everything behind, forgetting the needed and with them, some stuff not intended to move on.

Don't get me wrong. I am aware that a few people around are genuinely concerned about what's wrong with me. But...

Things don't always happen in the way we intended them to, when we get started with them. We keep going, anyway, proudly whereas deep inside, right now, all I want to do is go back in time.. but what would I do after that ? Well, I'll think about it. Will there be any point in attempting a repair for the damaged caused? Not completely but can anything be done, in anyway ?

I dont know how things can be repaired but if given a choice, I don't want to continue living in this turmoil.


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