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Being idle

 Do you ever feel that its just you, in the whole chaotically running world, sitting ideal with nothing major at hand to capture your mind out of the reality.

Its a strange feeling to have. 

its not that I lack  a plan for the prosperous future or love spending time lying on the couch and keeping the gaze up the screen but not really paying attention or even care to watch it mindfully. Being very much aware about the to-dos and meet ups, I sometimes don't feel like moving ahead with the day. its tough to get started, to make my brain move on its lethargic states. At these times, I have aspirations of no more than texting and having good chats with my colleagues, family or friends. 

So, as a aspirational person would do,  Taking a step for my wishes, , I text them.

Their internet is turned off, meaning, my wish didn't even reach an inch closer to them.

O check my phone every other minute to see the same response.

The clocks ticking off and instead of making me feel better, my action's consequence of just waiting makes me feel even more frustrated.

 Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock is still running.

The phones didn't vibrate.

I check it anyways. 

The notification bar shows no sign of any missed message.

I don't believe it.

I clock on the chat-app and again, no notification worthy of attention. 


May be my internet isn't working fine ?

I turn it off and back to On again. 

No change.

I turn on my Wi-Fi to my dad's internet.

No result again.


Maybe, they haven't texted me after all.

I turn off the screen of my mobile.

I feel angry, alone and majorly, useless.

Are they all busy working and will end up having a life to be proud for?

Will  I be as Idle as I am right now, sitting and waiting for people to come and make my life happening?

Am I wasting my time?

Why do I always end up waiting for something to happen?


I feel having a flexible schedule to work (as I have right now ) allows me to be available for the people who need me, for the tasks I feel I want to be present for and for the happiness-urges I want to experience without fearing the professional loss.

Ugh.  maybe, it all lies in balancing the stuffs. 


ANU.

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