Skip to main content

Being idle

 Do you ever feel that its just you, in the whole chaotically running world, sitting ideal with nothing major at hand to capture your mind out of the reality.

Its a strange feeling to have. 

its not that I lack  a plan for the prosperous future or love spending time lying on the couch and keeping the gaze up the screen but not really paying attention or even care to watch it mindfully. Being very much aware about the to-dos and meet ups, I sometimes don't feel like moving ahead with the day. its tough to get started, to make my brain move on its lethargic states. At these times, I have aspirations of no more than texting and having good chats with my colleagues, family or friends. 

So, as a aspirational person would do,  Taking a step for my wishes, , I text them.

Their internet is turned off, meaning, my wish didn't even reach an inch closer to them.

O check my phone every other minute to see the same response.

The clocks ticking off and instead of making me feel better, my action's consequence of just waiting makes me feel even more frustrated.

 Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock is still running.

The phones didn't vibrate.

I check it anyways. 

The notification bar shows no sign of any missed message.

I don't believe it.

I clock on the chat-app and again, no notification worthy of attention. 


May be my internet isn't working fine ?

I turn it off and back to On again. 

No change.

I turn on my Wi-Fi to my dad's internet.

No result again.


Maybe, they haven't texted me after all.

I turn off the screen of my mobile.

I feel angry, alone and majorly, useless.

Are they all busy working and will end up having a life to be proud for?

Will  I be as Idle as I am right now, sitting and waiting for people to come and make my life happening?

Am I wasting my time?

Why do I always end up waiting for something to happen?


I feel having a flexible schedule to work (as I have right now ) allows me to be available for the people who need me, for the tasks I feel I want to be present for and for the happiness-urges I want to experience without fearing the professional loss.

Ugh.  maybe, it all lies in balancing the stuffs. 


ANU.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Escaping, but from whom?

It's a quite place which I always claimed will make me most productive.  And now that I am here, I occasionally get lost in my thoughts, which is basically about all the issues I am surrounded with. While at home,  I was constantly in search of emptiness, a room where no one ones what am I doing, judge whether what I am doing would actully help me make my future better, to validate the feelings I express. I used to just sleep or try to study in a room locked from inside where most of the time was spent crying till I am too exhausted to do nothing more than needed, sorting what went wrong and hiding from everyone around. I have been there before and after attempts of moving on, the things are back again , right in front of me. Everytime it happens, it leave a hollowness inside which doesn't really fills up. It gets deeper, progressively. I have been shrinking out socially and hasn't been a serious bother since the ones I have to keep with me, are with me.  The previous tim...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Abundant Room Upstairs, No One is Allowed to enter! #1

There is an old brown dusty chair that sits in the abandoned room upstairs. I didn’t figure out who does it belongs to yet we, the family who resides here on rental basis, are forbidden for using it. Mamma says that we must not enter the room, at any cost. Yet, I trespassed this boundary yesterday, when my dearest cat went upstairs, like she usually does. I didn’t ponder upon this fact as Cookie has her favorite place to sleep upstairs. But upon her no appearing back even after opening up of its favorite food (cats are very strong at detecting smell), a doubt arose. I waited for a few more minutes and when my expectations failed too, I decided to go upstairs and check. The forbidden room was at left, so I went forward and checked the room on the right side. “Cookie” I called out. No response. I called out again, twice, yet the result was just as the first time, that is no response again. I had the bowl of cat food in my hand, whose presence would have been hard to go unnoticed, given...
8 comments
Read more
  I can stare at the sky and think about literally everything that’s there, be it connecting the dots of my past happenings that got me to the stage I am. While thinking about it, I feel as if I am narrating my favorite experiences to my long-gone friend. I jump from one experience to another, losing the chain of the story and eventually getting back from where I started. I think about the most practical things I can see in my future and what I’ll need to do for it. At times, I land up making alternate possibilities of how things might have turned out if I had made choices a little different from what I actually did. Sometimes, when I don’t want to think about anything in particular, I get my earphones and enjoy the music and the peace in me with the quiet of the night. Without anything to listen, my head will always be filled with something or the other. So yeah, that works sometimes. I see aeroplanes occasionally. They lit me up. Memories. Dreams. Possibilities. In these da...
Post a Comment
Read more