JustAnu

Shut the doors, and focus on keeping yourself warm for, the one who had to go has departed already. You have sent your prayers, the silent ones and the other louder than necessary to be heard and yes, he has heard them. There is nothing more that could be done on your side. Keeping the doors open won't lure him back. It will just keep you cold from the thoughts and apprehensions. You've got to move forward and the first step that's needed is to close the doors. You'll be the potential villan in the story but at least you'll sleep with peace of mind for yourself. Think of how life would be, even if you got him back, but would it be back to normal, as comfortable as the time when none of this has happened? Accept that things have not been well understood and recovery is going to be from both the sides. Unlike the rest of the times, you can't cover up from his side today. And you can't coverup the whole matter just by yourself. Accept. And close the door.

I have spent hours and hours going over our conversations , trying to catch the moments where things went wrong, where steps could have been taken right at the moment to prevent what happened, from happening. Hours and hours of shedding tears, shying away from family, pretending everything is fine, all while having a numbing pain in the head and moist redness in the eyes. I long for spending my time alone as those are the moments where I can be completely honest with myself. They say I react to much. I invest and then expect too much. I am the ones who breaks relationships because things affect me and you never told me your side of the story. I can't be half invested. I can't be away from you and pretend that things between us haven't changed. Things have changed and that would show. I know he has a life outside me, that I should be respecting his individuality and space. I agree. I have been doing that since day 1.  What about the space he has left behind , treating me lik...