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The feeling in the heart saying - what am I doing here - still lingers, waiting for the moment when things make sense, when the dots backward connect , when all the efforts and chaos feels worth going through. What is causing these thoughts, and what would it take get better free of them ? It's been long I have been bothered by these thoughts, never concluding in an answer.

There is flicker of possibility I thought we have, which is to discover a feeling so freeing that feels like magic which comes over once we cross that threshold efforts levels. Only the beginnings are tough, once you get better, you'll start enjoying and that's where the magic begins! That's what I thought. Well, right now, this feeling is fading. I don't have any hope of discovering magic and fun when I sit for my work.

The life keeps going,  praises and rewards keeps me  going,  and these are the very things preventing me to think beyond, for something better , for a bigger picture.

The world is see outside is so unpredictable but the people, we plan things till our deaths. We plan things to be left behind after our deaths. We have our whole life planed with plans A , B and further more. One things doesn't work out and it feels like the domino rally of everything going the wrong way, not in our direction anyway. Right now,  surrounded with numerous options which is just one click away, being unsure of what next is blurring.

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