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beyond the daily dose of work

 My work is just, a Part-of-my-life.  It’s not my entire life. I like my work, but I cannot spend my entire life just working. I can’t take out the feeling-of-being-alive from my life only because I am expected to be wanting to spend my entire life working. Messed up, right?

I am currently in my 4th month of working life (too early to judge?). The initial 3 months were spent well. Things were new, we were learning, things were still intimidating, but overall, it went well.

Now isn’t the same case. It feels like I want to avoid my time at work. I want to get out of my daily tasks as soon as possible, and if not, I’ll spend my entire day just following orders till I have no brain left to think about my life, my happiness and what I wish to accomplish in my life, beyond the daily labour. That’s not how an ideal employee thinks, right?

I need to make balance, my work and my life. I have always wanted to work with my best inputs. That have always been the centre of my life, finish the work that had been allotted to you and you are done for the day. Why wasn’t I ever taught to prioritise my emotions and how I feel about my life’s direction over the daily-dose-of-labour? I have trouble saying NO to the incoming tasks. New tasks are opportunities, honey! Why would you say no to it. There’s a dilemma.

Another dilemma -Money.

We work to earn a living, as simple as that. I work to make a place for myself in this world. But is it worth losing your place in your eyes?  

After work, I scroll, watching the fancies of the world while drowning myself into a feeling I don’t like at all. The only other things I do, is eat and sleep.  I tried taking a trip too. Out of my daily life, out of the daily chaos. It didn’t work as I wanted it to work. I was still in the nothingness-state-of-mind throughout the trip. Okay, we visited new places, had a change of air but my thoughts were the same.

Do I want to spend my entire life working—most probably No.

What next- Only time will tell. I can just hope for the best.

Change. Change. Change.

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