Pearls of memories in the String of Life

 Pearls of memories in the String of Life

As I envision my childhood, I am taken away with the sense of nostalgia about all the little things we used to do then, which eventually got left behind to crawl the path of Adulthood.

We forgot laughing our hearts out, giggling at the slightest of unprofessional thoughts, crying at the times we felt hurt the most. Instead, in an attempt to reflect maturity, we kept our real emptions far at the bay, living in a nutshell and celebrating fake ascend to corporate mountain.

As a child, I have learnt to let my fingers dance at the keys of piano and find their own rhythm, without the need of my eyes needing to keep an eye on them. As a child, I have learnt to face a football match held at interschool level for the 3rd time even after losing twice. The first time we lost, it was awful, given that I was the goal-keeper and a member of my team got confused in the middle of the game about the direction to kick the ball and it took me time to realise that the ball is coming for me and, woosh, it went past me into the goalpost. We lost, the score being 1-0.

As a child, not caring about the responsibilities I held or being concerned about the time I was wasting (which was other’s lookout though), I did attend the annual days of the school where my mother was a teacher. I was not a special guest there, nor the voluntary helper and neither someone with a performance. 

Nonetheless, I used to catch the topmost seat available where even the light from the top and the front stage gets dimmer as it fails to reach there. I would try to mirror the kids dancing, adding my ungraceful modifications to it. I would sing out the lyrics when one my favourite songs would come up. I felt liberated.

 The best part when nobody can see me, 

Is that I had the freedom  to be me! 

The fun didn’t end there. After the show, I would become the shadow to my mother following here everywhere she and her  teacher-friends walked, gossiping and focusing on whose class’ kids took on the lime-light and further dinner plans. Yeah, we ate at restaurant giggling with other teachers celebrating their accomplishments.

The tender laughs at school trips, the enthusiasm even when the games period when most of us were drenched in sweat, the will to leave off the time for lunch for something little but time worthy to get accomplished, the thrill and nervousness and feeling of adventure in teachers’ absence just 10 minutes before the once in a year annual day performance, are some of the things I want to relive, but Is childhood possible again?

There were days when I got dressed up in oversized cloths pretending to be a princess. I would keep my hair open and stand in close proximity of the fan or cooler or even get over the bed to get in closer to the AC and have my time of the day by swayingmy hair like an actual princess at her most beautiful balcony of her palace enjoying the view of the place under her wishes.

The once-in-a-year visit to Delhi for summer vacation was a bigadventure. The thought of being in the actual world of hustle￾bustle never ceased the butterflies of my stomach to flutter.

Getting there was adventurous whereas sharing space with family there was soothing and relaxing. While the whole of the vacation was spent in a way that we didn’t oblige to be accountable for, the bulkiest homework took sacrifice of our last 7days of freedom which brought us back to the busy and unrelaxed time at of our school. Now when I look back, I can say school days were like smooth sail. The more you grow, the more you get aware about the pace at which the world hurtle.

Growing up was accompanied by learning new things which were beyond the books and wont grab me marks. I tried my hand, luck, or whatever, on cooking and since the day I learnt how to prepare tea, rarely a day has passed when I didn’t prepare it at least once a day. Yeah, I practice that everyday (if  you know what I mean). After experiencing this, I didn’t learn anything major in cooking or else, I would have got even more things to practice. Still, I can assure you that I won’t die starving. I am sufficient enough to cook for myself.

As much as I miss the days of laughter erupting from the classrooms or little fun here and there while doing our tasks at school or at home, I adored the peaceful moments too. 

Whenever my mom used to be busy, I would get to my terrace and be there for an hour or so. I began to adore nature for its peacefulness and the variety it offered. It felt like being on the terrace and looking at the stars and moon shining bright in the faintest breeze possible was divine. After reading a few novels, I used to wonder what would it be like to be walking at a shore at cool evening atmosphere or being at a ship in the middle of an ocean, or to be walking in the woods just after a snowfall and the list goes on. 

Things weren’t all careless. We faced competitions within our own class. As much as we shared laughter, we have witnessedsome of the cold wars and minute politics within ourselves which were directed against ourselves. There were times we felt divided. We wanted to grow and be better and at times this tinged a betraying feeling. We wanted recognition and occasions to continuously prove ourselves and maybe this was the reason we left our innocence behind while chasing the things, which the world presumed, would take us to happiness, fame, money etc. 

Who knew that the innocence and a clean heart was the worthiest thing we owned? 

This is one of the greatest learning. We need a balance for dividing our time to people and to our talents. One without another is incomplete.I long for the English classes we used to have. We were hesitant about speaking up in the middle of the class before meeting our new English teacher (well, she was new to us as it was the first  time, we got into 10th standard). She made us ponder over things and insisted that we expressed whatever we thought instead of accepting answers from the text. We discussed things and more than herself, she wanted us to do the talking. It was hard initially but we first adapted, then improvised and lastly, kept improvising. It was the first time I thought, matter. Our questions and thoughts now mattered. Our out-of-context queries were entertained too. I remember having a conversation in the class and our question was, why should we write questions in the notebook while we can refer them from the textbook? The answer she gave sounded simple. She replied, “You would be answering questions when you grow up.” It’s now that I understand its significance. We were now out of the job which required us to accept knowledge in class and pour it on exam￾paper. Our self-esteem rose and we were now more confident at thinking, forming our beliefs with our own wits (and not under others persuasions) and expressing. We started standing up for ourselves. 

If the society wasn’t so stigmatic about failing an exam, I think I wouldn’t mind failing 10th as I wanted to be her student longer. 

She did teach us with same enthusiasm in 11th and 12th but I was at the fall then. Being a science student, we were asked not to take anything more seriously than PCB and leave no stone unturned to crack entrance exams.I was an obedient child (I should have been more daring though).

I was admired for my academic scores and I had a growing interest in languages and fiction. At the end, Science won. I studied hard to get into medical college. I got into medical college eventually. The whole store would unravel a big set of failures I had, but let’s talk about that in another session.

Some things would never change. No matter I feel addicted to coffee aroma under work pressure but Milk with Bournvita and   biscuits would never lose their charm. I would continue to read Nicholas sparks’ novels on lazy Sunday evenings.I have had a great time in the past and I hope the same would be with the future. I did lock myself accidently in birthday party. I have lost some competitions and won other. It’s Bitter-sweet.

This is where I conclude my memoire, not the list my wishes and thoughts. I sign off by saying, Cherish Yourself.

The Show Must Go On!

Thank you for going though this long one!! 

More blogs to read...Losing Self In Nature

See The Positives ( a try towards poetry)

ANU