JustAnu

We have gathered again today, just the way we are supposed to be present, everyday. We wait for someone to come and start withth main thing. What are we supposed to do once we are here? We know the answer but having no one to stand on our head to remind us and grill us , we don't usually do th self-directed stuff. It's just too hot outside to go and do something just for self learning ? A really wrong idea indeed but I truly can't gather the courage to go out. It's Thursday today, the department is busy with the new admissions. Most probably they won't be coming in today. And here we are, sitting in the seminar room, the room at the end of the ward where the usual teaching sessions take place . It's about 28 of us sitting  in a room which has empty wheel chairs and other store room stuff.  Some are discussing the academic stuff. Heck, it's scary to acknowledge the amout of knowledge I'll need to gather within the time we have before our exams. Others are...

It's a quite place which I always claimed will make me most productive.  And now that I am here, I occasionally get lost in my thoughts, which is basically about all the issues I am surrounded with. While at home,  I was constantly in search of emptiness, a room where no one ones what am I doing, judge whether what I am doing would actully help me make my future better, to validate the feelings I express. I used to just sleep or try to study in a room locked from inside where most of the time was spent crying till I am too exhausted to do nothing more than needed, sorting what went wrong and hiding from everyone around. I have been there before and after attempts of moving on, the things are back again , right in front of me. Everytime it happens, it leave a hollowness inside which doesn't really fills up. It gets deeper, progressively. I have been shrinking out socially and hasn't been a serious bother since the ones I have to keep with me, are with me.  The previous tim...

It rained last night.  After bearing so much heat that all my watery sunscreen will flow with the sweat before I even step out of the home, it was a relief and more than that, it felt like a new need . I have to get to a place where the weather is as soothing and cool  as it was yesterday and so was today morning.  It has always been a funny thought about the place where I live. All I need here are  full sleeved clothes which protects me from the stinging sun rays and on the other spectrum in the winters, a full sleeved t-shirt is enough most of the time to  keep me protected from the cold as well. Its just these weather-changing time to get my half sleeved or sleeve-less tops out, and my midi/maxi free flowing dresses functional. Otherwise, most of the days in summers are spent indoors, while at home or at work, most probably in closed air conditioned rooms with compromised mobility. The only function this serves is that, it keeps you at a fixed place, to compl...